thefatjewish

thefatjewish @thefatjewish

http://swishbev.com/

Meeting for a drink in a crowded restaurant with a dentist you met on a dating website used to be terrifying, now you'll get in a Nissan Altima Uber X alone with a Persian creep driving who goes through a bottle of cologne every 3 months and is blasting house music. ( @carols10cents)
"Me and my friends are soooo crazy and funny, we should have a TV show" -a not crazy girl with unfunny friends who shouldn't have a tv show
ARE. YOU. FUCKING. KIDDING. ME. (If i ever see this douche canoe in person I'm giving him an atomic wedgie for disrespecting the greatest film franchise in the history of cinema)
Every year, at Coachella time, the good people of @whitegirlwine try to help you be a less unbearable human being. However, we definitely support you fingering/ getting fingered at sunrise while listening to EDM! Go to www.swishbev.com the rosé comes in bottles and cans and will make life less horrendous.
WHY DIDN'T THAT GUY JUST GIVE THE OFFICERS ON THE PLANE A FUCKING PEPSI
"The true New Yorker secretly believes that people living anywhere else have to be, in some sense, kidding" -John Updike ( @nyknicks @thejtsimon)
There will never be another week of my life that is more fucking lit than this one.
GATES AND BUFFET I KNOW YOU'RE CLEANING THE WORLD'S WATER OR WHATEVER BUT YOU NEED TO START BALLING, THE FACT THAT NEITHER OF YOU OWN AN OSTRICH IS APPALLING ( @sadmichaeljordan)
Soooo apparently @parishilton is a genius and helped create a droplet of water that is 1000x more hydrating than a bottle of water, thus eliminating millions of plastic bottles a year YES PEOPLE, PARIS HILTON IS GOING TO SAVE THE EARTH AND YOU CAN HELP HER TOO (link in bio) #sodastream #nanodrop
EATING SUPERFOODS DOESN'T UNDO ALL YOUR QUESTIONABLE DECISIONS, YOU CAN'T DRINK ENOUGH MATCHA 🍵 TO MAKE YOUR BODY OK AFTER HAVING UNPROTECTED SEX WITH A GUY NAMED JEFF WITH LEG TATTOOS
Literally nothing worse than a white child named Daffodil Yogurt in a store screaming like she's being murdered while her parents are asking her to "talk through her feelings" @tank.sinatra
Oh man, soooo many exposed boobs to suckle if you're a baby on Spring Break.