: "Something inside of me has recently felt cold, hard, unloving, unloveable. A new energy has been stirring, triggering impatience and annoyance, leading me to fall into negative behaviors and thought patterns of my past.
I sometimes feel like a hypocrite - advocating for self-love when I often don’t feel or practice it myself. I try, but I often fail, as we all do. I think that's part of being human. We live with a set of scripts and records the world has given us, ones which have told us that we are not enough. Rewriting history is not an easy process, or a painless one.
This is the very reason I've spent much of my life avoiding commitment to people, places, and circumstances. It’s one reason I became drawn to living a nomadic life. Commitment and stability eventually require depth. People start to get close, too close for comfort. They eventually come to see the real you, the full you. Intimacy with others often reveals to us the ugliest parts of ourselves; this is why so many of us run from it. I, like many, tried to maintain a false sense of safety by avoiding long-term relationships, and by moving often - starting over, creating a new life and a new self in a new place with new people.
But now, here I am, in a long-term, committed relationship with someone who is now moving from place to place with me, constantly by my side, knowing all of me, including the parts I wish to keep hidden. I can no longer run. There is nowhere to run to when you’re running from yourself." #thevulnerabilitychallenge