day 2 with @iammelwells
: I am proud of myself for.
I am proud of myself for making a conscious decision to learn how to love my body again, after hating it so passionately for years.
I am already in tears. This is really hard for me.
At this time of the year, in 2016 I was life threatening sick. I do not remember much from the fall last year, but I do know I was blaming and hating my body SO hard for doing this to me.
I honestly believed my body was causing this living hell I faced every single day, being chronic sick and unable to eat for a whole year.
A few months later I tried a very controversial "treatment" where a coach was sitting beside my bed, telling me I was sick because of the person I am. If I hadn't been me, I'd been healthy. And I realized, that is not true. I do not believe a human body is actually able to kill itself, by only existing.
This was the first time I realized my illness is something separate from me that exists within my body, it is my enemy, and also my body's enemy. We're a team. And my body's ability to heal itself, and fight for me is mind blowing. When I was too sick to actively fight for my health and life, my body did it for me. There are always healing processes happening throughout our bodies, 24/7. I can't believe I'd given up on myself, my own body, and started to hate it so much.
My heart and lungs were starting to shut down and fail on me, still my body didn't give up. It fought. And I'm realizing as I'm writing this, that I need to remind myself of this more often!
Our bodies are true miracles. And I am proud of myself for choosing again. For standing in love and trying my best to take care of my (still) severe sick body.
Heck, I'm proud of my body too! It's a miracle worker. And I am grateful for having this body as my vehicle throughout this lifetime.
And I am proud for choosing to learn and grow under these extreme conditions I'm facing on a daily basis. I could've chosen to give up, see myself as a victim and suffer. But I've been bedridden for 3 years, yet I've grown more spiritually and as a human being, than what I had up until it all started. And I am proud of that. 🙏