We shake with joy, we shake with grief.
What a time they have, these two
housed as they are in the same body.
- Mary Oliver, We Shake with Joy
I am in love with the Ocean
lifting her thousands of white hats
in the chop of the storm,
or lying smooth and blue, the
loveliest bed in the world.
In the personal life, there is
always grief more than enough,
a heart-load for each one of us
on the dusty road. I suppose
there is a reason for this, so I will be
patient, acquiescent. But I will live
nowhere except here, by Ocean, trusting
equally in all the blast and welcome
of her sorrow less, salt self. - Mary Oliver, Ocean "I'm a believer in meditation that isn't thought of as traditional meditation. It can be in the form of music or painting or walking or anything else that carries you into the flow state. Getting lost isn't actually getting lost. That's the paradox: getting lost is going inward. Getting lost is finding ourselves in a deeper capacity. Getting lost is sometimes essential to g Roth and ultimately a greater understanding." Victoria Erickson
I'm sitting again amongst the trees, rock, grass, bluebirds, ants and mountains. I have felt so lost lately. Lost in myself, lost in this world, riding the tide of grief. Questioning the duality of feeling so much pain and wondering if happiness or joy will exist along side such pain. That's the question in grief isn't it? We will feel this pain forever and joy will exist along side such pain. His loss created such a duality for our life that we must accept at some point. We must learn to live and grieve and accept what each of those states shall give us.
And we become lost. To find ourselves after his loss. After his life. To find love again.
And how all of that will exist alongside our grief. We were permanently changed the moment his heart ceased beating. While the world moves on and everyone goes back to exactly who they were, we do not. We are permanently altered and must find who we are now, not who we were then.
Knowing and loving Kreed changed me into a much better person than I could have ever hoped to be.