The moment that we stop abandoning our self, is the moment that we stop abandoning ourselves and can begin to show up as a mature human being, if we’re willing to do the work. In this way a relationship of trust can authentically begin. That is also to clearly and decisively say, my great lesson from sitting in Zen meditation is that, the reason I’d never trusted myself up to that point is my inner guide, that only wants what’s best for me bore witnessed how much I was abandoning and rejecting myself.
It was moments of self abandonment when a feeling got stuck in my throat andI wouldn’t use my voice to speak my truth, to support and take care of myself. It was the moments of masking pain with humor. It was moments of being loyal to people who didn’t earn or deserve my loyalty. It was moments when I clearly understood that people, including myself could be careless with my feelings and did so anyway. It was moments of holding back who I actually felt I was, to try and win the approval of others, when true approval isn’t won. It was things like this that was the source of internal mistrust and suffering. 。
For me it was consistent, dedicated, devoted and motivated Zen practice, in it’s totality that empowered me to sit… breathe… listen… notice… that I was abandoning myself over and over and over… seasoning and conditioning my suffering. But once I noticed, I had an actual choice. I could learn to face and stand up beyond chronological maturity into mental, emotional and spiritual maturity that is consciously and intentionally supported and nurtured through ongoing practice. In this Way, my actions changed towards myself. And then spontaneously my actions toward others and my life changed to. That’s when I finally thought and felt free as a person, and started living kinder, inward and out. Zen is simple… not easy… I invite you to genuinely practice the Way.
。 一We All Share The Same Sky
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