Absolutely nothing about this journey is easy. The mental war alone is enough to make me want to waive the white flag and give up.
Some days, I remember being morbidly obese as easier.
I didn't care.
I was hopeless and thought I'd never escape the body I was in, the insecurities I had and the health issues that piled up just as fast as the pounds did.
I gave up. I stopped caring.
That felt easier than the fight.
I've lost a ton of weight and gained some back.
I've healed and strengthened my body in so many ways.
I've also overcome many of the mental hurdles that held me back.
I'm still not where I want to be or where I "should" be.
Caring about my health & my body is not only still new- but it's exhausting.
There are so many people that make this journey look easy. "They did it, why can't I?!" That thought creeps into my head so, so much.
Sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm on this journey for a reason. The twists and turns, the ups and downs...
Those are mine. No one else's.
So I stand here looking at a reflection that some days makes me proud and other days leaves me feeling disappointed and defeated.
All I can say to anyone out there reading this.... This journey is for life and it's worth it.
It's hard as hell, but when I think about how "easy" it was being morbidly obese, I remind myself there was nothing easy about barely being able to breath.
Nothing easy about struggling to climb a flight of stairs.
Nothing easy about being the biggest, most unhealthy person in the room.
The easy part of being morbidly obese that I was referring to is that I had given up. Giving up was easy.
And that's not what I'm doing now.
I won't give up.
I'll keep struggling and trying.
Giving up is easy...
It's caring that's hard. .
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