are you a boy or girl? - @ripfairy
i make new memories. put a line through the old ones like they never happened. like they are nothing but a grocery list. did that, done that, doesn’t exist.
i live. forget about the feelings that live in my head. blame it on the alcohol numbing my brain like anesthesia. this is a surgery, a work in process. nothing inward; make it outward instead. make it all about beauty: travel. experience. do things so unlike me, i forget who i used to be. that girl doesn’t live here anymore. i kicked her out without saying goodbye.
i’m reckless. i drive through valleys in the darkness and don’t get blinded by the light. i drive 20 miles over the speed limit and only slow down when i see the police. when i get home, i smoke weed in my underwear in front of the open window. i poke my head up when people walk by to blow smoke rings at the back of their heads.
on weekends, i build mountains with my mouth and watch the sunrise from above them. i lick the liquor off the lips of strange bodies and tell them nothing about my past. they don’t want to know and i don’t want to remember and everything is perfect. everything is perfect when you convince yourself nothing is worth it.
so i go to sleep warm and wake up in cold sweats. i ring the past out in the shower and hide love in the shower head. it’s over. i have nothing left to give you but memories. it’s perfect. i no longer know how to feel. "
— sunday mourning (via achingchest)