⚠️ (Long caption + deep shit) I'm stood here looking at her with pure love and admiration, sharing with her intimate parts of my soul but giving this kinda of love and raw openness that we share openly, we explore and try to redefine "relationship" is for us but this level of intimacy has always been the case... far from it...growing up in the cold north east England the model for being "a man" was one who didn't show emotions, showing your emotions was labelled "gay" or "weak, viewing women second class, lesser, so closed off, men repressed who they were and the repressed emotions would be expressed with hurt, physical/emotional violence, cheating, anything to avoid the feeling, the connection to self to other, all this seemed somewhat normal, the love, the connection longed wasn't there, I'd seen the women I loved in my life torn by this and even though I knew this wasn't right I'd watched it ...then I acted it out unconsciously followed the same path, becoming what I hated, I cheated, I put my fist through walls and windows and have the scars on my knuckles to remind me. I grew muscles bigger than most men to hide these emotions. I can tell you with 100% certainty that expressing emotions, showing how you feel, showing love and compassion is THE most manly thing to do.
I'd look any man in the eye who tells me differently, he could hit me, but never would he hurt me as I fear not man of physical flesh. I've looked within, I've looked at the darkness, I've drank the from the vines of plants that rip out your soul and put it back again and the only thing I fear is time I where I will sit again and look back at my life and I will get to see once more how I showed up. I won't stop here, I'm flawed, I'm human, I fuck up, however until I will continue to be more aware, my work in the inner gym will continue until die...in the name of love, for myself, for my family, my future children, for this women stood in front of me, I will re-define what it means to be a man in this world. This is what drives me.